Fear

I must confess that during the past few weeks my life has been an emotional roller coaster.

I have been filling in as a temporary adminstraitor for my employer and I have been challenged in ways that I could have never imagined.

The growth that I have seen in myself both personally and professionally has been a wonder to watch over the past couple of months.

Often times unwinding from a long work day consists of me theatrically telling my husband the events of the day, a few rounds of Candy Crush, and a solid tear jerker (either movie or tv show).

Last week was one for the books.

With the racial conflict that exists within the world, the mourning of a man that I never knew, and a brief 5hr visit to the ER-I love a consistently non-working liver- I felt as though I would never catch a break.

During my time off I was able to watch my new favorite show-Council of Dads.

Now, this show has pulled the strings of my heart heavily every week and I normally spend time crying after it has ended.

This weeks episode was one that specifically grabbed my heart and would not let go.

It centers around their youngest child being rushed into an emergency surgery to repair a heart defect.

While under anesthesia she has a conversation with her deceased dad about sharing with people the person that she has been hiding from her family.

The episode ends with her making a declaration of who she is and something about this scripted prose shattered my heart.

As someone who battles with illnesses that can not be seen by looking at me (unless I’m turning yellow) I often times find myself hiding portions of who I am out of fear.

Now what exactly I am fearing, I could not even begin to put it into words, but it sits there taking up space in my heart.

Something about this show, my week, and the past few months caused me to decide to step out of my fear and allow all of who I am to be shared with the people that I live in community with.

So here goes:

I am a wife.

I am fierce and incredibly loyal.

I can be a bulldog when someone needs defending but I am also reserved in

situations where I am trying to understand the dynamic.

I spend hours on end texting, Marco Polo’ing and laughing with my friends talking

about any and everything.

I am loud, simple, and complicated all at once.

I love a good t-shirt with an inspirational saying.

I am a runner, dumbbell dropper, and entirely uncoordinated often times

uttering the phrase:

“I don’t how my body keeps moving, but catch me

when I fall.”

I am someone who is living with health circumstances out of my control,

but, I still keep moving.

I am a child of a king!!!

My prayer and hope for the week is that you would begin to embrace all of the odd, wonderful, beautiful, confusing, and unpredictable aspects of your life.

And, slowly allow the fear that is taking space in your life to fade away.

I don’t know about you, but, I am tired of second guessing myself and making up shortcomings that don’t even exist.

So good-bye fear-it is time for you to move out!!