Begin Again

Dear Ideal Me,

Thank you for existing and for being a beacon of hope of what is to come.

There are times that I wonder what exactly you turn out to be.

Braver, stronger, weaker, softer, more patient, less vocal, more kinder, and possibly even gentler?

Or..

Are you the same feisty, courageous, spunky, outrageously outspoken, and unshakeable soul that you have become up until this point?

There were times in life during seasons of discomfort, pain, silence, and heartbreak that I wished I could reach through a time loop and switch places with you.

I’ve brought you up passively in conversation that bad habits and obstacles would be a thing of the past for you.

Yet it did not click until recently how wrong that mindset has been.

How limiting and suffocating to your growth those feelings were.

Rushing through the lessons designed to cultivate a renewing of my spirit, soul, and life.

So future me, I make this promise to you for the remainder of 2020:

I will be present in the moment.

I will be courageous, strong, and not be afraid to fight the hard battles.

I will continue to maintain my tenacity for justice and wholeness in the lives of those around me.

I will allow myself to feel all the things: happiness, sadness, fear, anger and everything in between.

I will allow myself to be vulnerable, honest, and truthful.

I will lean in to the moments that make me want to run.

I will pull away from moments that seem so easy that they will casually led towards my downfall.

Ultimately, I will remember that starting over is not a sign of failure but a moment to breath deep, forgive, and to begin again whole!

And I promise that for the next 107 days, that each day will be a day that I celebrate the opportunity to begin again, and to be whole!