Where do I even begin with you?
I thought about starting at the beginning but that seemed too intense.
The middle crossed my mind, however who picks up halfway through a story?
And the ending, well that has yet to be written.
So I created my own starting point-the present.
You haven’t slept in several days because your anxiety is keeping you up.
Anger keeps bubbling up at the most inappropriate times so you keep pushing it down.
The tears that sting your eyes you quickly blink away, hoping no one noticed them.
You smile as if everything is ok, because deep down you wish that life would go back in time before it all exploded.
Yet, there is a level of gratitude.
I know, you are feeling it but don’t want to say it out loud.
So we will type what we wish to say-
Thankfulness that you are safe, even though emotionally you feel as wide open as a fresh wound.
Thankful that you have maintained a certain level of grace, mercy, and kindness.
Thankful that you are wise enough to separate your feelings from the feelings of others being hurled in your direction.
Thankful that in spite of you being the one who was chosen not to win, you are confidently and silently letting your actions speak for you.
Thankful that you have a village of support, love, and encouragment.
Thankful that your dad-who was always a rouge agent-is attempting to be mean-but he is too kind to be mean.
Thankful that your best friends encourage the revolving door of retail therapy, netflix binges, and an over consumption of carbs.
Thankful that despite the pain at times being unbearable the Holy Spirit gently nudges you in the direction of stillness and healing.
Thankful that the pressure is not yours to bear even though in the waves of emotions it feels as though it is.
So let me say what you need to hear from me to keep moving forward:
I am sorry that someone overlooked your feelings, your worth, and your love.
I am sorry that someone did not think of you enough to treat you with the respect that you deserve.
I am sorry that what was designed to be a great summer in the weirdness of 2020 was halted.
I am sorry that this letter is something that you need to write for yourself-but that is ok.
You will be ok, you will work through this, you will heal, you will grow and you will forgive.
You are loved, valued, and you are enough!
So start dusting yourself off darling, it’s time to pass the feelings stick on to someone who needs you to be for them what others have been for you!
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