For weeks I have been sitting with a decision to make.
One of great significance.
One of great weight.
One with lasting ramifications.
One with ripples and waves yet to be felt.
Yet I am stuck.
I have been grasping for a sense of belonging.
A sense of closure and direction.
Yet, I am stuck.
Home no longer feels warm and welcoming.
Peace and laughter no longer flow through the halls like a gentle breeze.
Sleep is evasive.
Because I am stuck.
Stuck looking at the betrayal screaming in my face.
Stuck trying to dechiper truth from lie.
Our situation is not unique.
It is one that commonly echoes through the chambers of hearts and souls alike.
It stifles the carefree nature of wild and reckless abandon joy.
It holds hostage the freedom of true and lasting love.
It lingers heavier than the odor of a locker room on a 100 degree day.
I desperately wish that this was not the reality of life, but it is.
Yet, I can’t help but think that there is a blessing in my inability to move in any direction.
There is a stillness that exist at this level of life, and although it’s deafening it’s also comforting.
Comfort in embracing the imperfection of life.
Comfort in feeling the subtle movement of pruning and growth.
Comfort in knowing that although this is not a pit stop our Creator had in mind, He is still showing up.
Comfort in knowing that the warmth and forceful nature of healing is on the other end.
Comfort in knowing that it will all be ok.
So Sir, although my heart is broken at this pit stop in my journey and the epic plot twist you crated in my testimony, I forgive you.
I truly and utterly forgive you.
I forgive your arrogance.
I forgive your lack of respect.
I forgive your lack of trust in me.
I forgive you for never giving me a chance to succeed.
Ultimately, I forgive you for not being ready for this journey and not being vocal about it.
I forgive the betrayal that has been dealt blow by blow from all areas.
My forgiveness you have now and forever.
The rest, I prayerfully wait for my feet to be unglued from this spot so that a path forward can be forged.
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