I‘m not one who takes big leaps, although I encourage them in other peoples lives ALL the time.
In fact, I prefer to take tiny, small, slow moving steps towards anything that I can‘t predict the outcome of.
Any decision that could have big ripples in my life, especially of the positive kind, I ever so cautiously inch towards.
I normally hem and haw, talk to at least 5 people, and then and only then will I start making steps.
Which, upon re-reading the above sentence I realize that doesn’t quite make sense so let me explain.
During my first week back at work I went to visit my people, a couple who I have the pleasure of working with who are truly the embodiment of love, compassion, and encouragement.
We laughed and joked and caught up because it had been several months since I had seen them.
Towards the end of our visit they looked at me and said
”Brittney, God loves you so much!”
And, for some reason those words pierced my heart in a way that they never had before.
I sat there and fought back tears because the reality of a Big God, loving me in the wake of what I have experienced over the past several months carried a different weight than ever before.
I will never forget the 12hrs I was discharged from the hospital before I received my organ offer and my doctor standing in front of me saying
“We are playing a game of wait and see, and unfortunately we are losing. Time is not on our side….”
Looking back I can’t describe my calm demeanor as anything other than divine faith.
Because that was probably my hour of extreme need, kidneys failing, nutrition of a malnourished individual, and a whole host of other things.
With my life hanging in the balance, God said:
“I see you and I’m coming!”
And, let me tell you He showed up and showed out!
The quick and swift manner in which He provided still has me speechless to this day.
And during my visit with dear friends my heart changed.
The following kept echoing in my heart and mind every day since.
God loves me!
God moves into action for His people.
God never fails to follow through.
I realized my process for making decisions and responding was flawed in so many ways.
I begin to question why I moved so slow and methodically with making decisions
One of the heart changes that I have experienced is an urgency to act, think, move, and love.
I’ve discovered that my selective nature was not serving me the purpose that I intended for it to.
What I thought was a safe guard was actually hurtful to those whom I encountered on a daily basis.
I was unknowingly choosing who I would and would not speak life to, encourage, love on, and share the beauty of our Creator with.
As I continue to find my balance being back in a world I haven’t experienced in well over 2 years I’m intentionally making some changes.
I’m choosing to love, act, and move on purpose.
I‘m choosing to not withhold the goodness that I know God to be.
I’m choosing to no longer play small to remain in environments that only serve me but don’t serve others the way I was created to serve.
The words that I have been given to share, may need to reach someone as urgent as I needed God to show up for me.
He showed up without hesitation or limitations!
So, I’m choosing to show up using the gifts and talents He has given me to:
Love hard and love well!
Speak life boldly and with kindness!
To create space for those needing a soft landing for rest and healing.
And to always, always, always tell everyone
”God loves you!”
Comments