2,190 days since a diagnosis.
365 days since my first major hospital stay.
365 days since I began the transplant evaluation process.
14 days since I almost died due to an internal bleed.
10 days since notification of intent to be listed.
The past 6 years has been a roller coaster like no other. Appointments, allergic reactions, hundreds and hundreds of miles put on my car. All to reach one outcome, a new liver.
Where to even begin?
A question that must be answered at some point and time. But with questions of this nature, I guess it’s always best to start from the top.
Don’t worry, this will not start at the beginning of my life journey, just a little time hop backwards to the glorious year of 2014.
Glorious is probably entirely too optimistic because in all honesty, 2014 was probably one of the more challenging years that I have ever encountered.
Medical news of the unpleasant kind was something that I was familiar with, however ones of the more serious nature was never something I experienced before.
Yes-I know, brain surgery is a big deal but at the time being a 21 year old college graduate it seemed as though it were a mere stepping stone to true adulthood.
Yet somehow sitting across from a doctor who is calmly explaining to me the ins and outs of a liver disease I have never heard of threw me for a loop.
A failed attempt that would turn into one of the darker moments of my life. Forever ingrained in my memory is the harsh reality of what that could possibly mean for me.
I quickly plummeted into a pit of despair and depression. That even my best friends couldn’t pull me out of.
I spent days and weekends on end sulking in the comfort of plush couches and silence.
Spending time between various locations just taking up space in the corners of the homes of confidantes.
Arguments with my parents at the depths of my emotional ruins caused a rebellion of a grown woman who no longer had to submit to their rules or authority.
But so desperately clang to the hopes of someone seeing the true depths of her pain.
I painted a brave face and masked my true feelings as best as I could.
Sadly, the facade was not held up long or strong enough and my emotions became consumed by endless trips to Target for copious amounts of Oreos and tearjerkers in the form of Oscar worthy performances.
How it may change the dynamic of my relationships with my loved ones is uncertain as they process their own emotions with the heaviness of this news.
Plot twist, some relationships have been dinged along the way.
Other relationships simply won’t make it to the other side.
But, one thing that I can personally guarantee is that being honest, open and vulnerable will be how I proceed.
So buckle up folks-we are in for a quite a surprising journey!
Unlike my feelings and emotions exactly a year ago-I’m ready!
I’ve been waiting, hoping, and praying for the journey and pace to pick-up.
And boy, in true 2020 fashion (the utterly unpredictable chaos of day to day living) I received just what I prayed for.
Friends, I have officially been LISTED!
We have officially entered Act II of this journey!
Healing, health, and freedom is on the horizon.
And I’m running towards it at full speed!
Thank you for cheering me along the way, I hope you continue on this journey with me!
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