Several weeks ago I sat across the table from a woman whose presence was strong and commanding, yet the gentleness and grace she exhibited was unmatched.
She asked to hear my story and I gladly shared.
She listened with no judgement and reacted appropriately to the highs and lows, even laughing at the humorously uncomfortable moments.
At the very end she asked one question:
“What do you want others to ask God for on your behalf?”
With my fork midway in the air, I froze. I gently placed it on the plate and sat back in my chair.
I looked at her and responded by saying,
”I have never been asked that question before so I have no idea...”
Fast forward several weeks.
In a variety of different ways I let that question occasionally sneak up from the depths of comfort that I had buried it to.
It was one of very few questions that I have never been able to answer, not even with a quick, snarky, and sarcastic reply. The time is currently 3:09am and after taking an accidental, on purpose, nap that lasted too long - I had a moment of clarity!
Black church theology.
It was the place where the uncertainty, and lack of confidence have stifled millennial women.
Working with teenagers people often ask what I was like as a child and/or teenager.
My response is always the same.
”Who I am as an adult is who I have always been, I just have an increased vocabulary!”
To some people they laugh because the antics that they imagine are spot on with my strong willed and unrelenting personality.
Others cringe, taking a moment of silence for my parents, because even adult me has ALL the feelings, ALL the time.
A memory that plays on repeat in my mind over and over again is so vivid it could have just transpired.
One of the prayer warriors, who happened to be a friend of my moms, walked up to me one Sunday and asked:
”You think you are pretty don’t you?”
(It wasn’t asked as Gossip Girl-ish as it may read).
I looked down at my blue floral skirt, matching shirt, and stereotypical white church shoes, and respond by saying “Yes”.
The moments of silence that ticked by ever so loudly ended abruptly with her responding by saying
“It is never ok to tell someone you think you are pretty, that is for others to say about you, not you.”
As a 12 year old, I looked at her, rolled my eyes, and walked away muttering under my breath “Why ask a question that I’m not supposed to answer!”
I would be lying if I said that I didn’t spend the rest of my time as a pre-teen and young adult avoiding her.
As an adult I can directly trace that experience from 12 year old me to essentially 33 year old me.
A woman who is intentionally vocal about the beauty and strength that exists in women my age.
A woman who stops to encourage and uplift women when the opportunity presents itself.
A woman who takes a strong stand against the manipulation and unrealistic pressure created by “Black Church Theology”!
A woman who always says “God is asking to be removed from that narrative because that’s not Him!”
A woman who takes ownership of her relationship with Christ and encourages others to do the same!
A woman who creates moments of truth, vulnerability, and ultimately grace to own the person that she and others are, inside and out!
A woman who from this moment forward, will ask what you may need from me in prayer, because me telling you about you doesn't work.
Because, I’m not sure about you, but:
My! Jesus! doesn’t stick baby in the corner! He gives her a community of support willing to embrace A.L.L. He created her to be, and beauty is not excluded!
So embrace your beauty, gifting’s, and never let the theology of people, in or out of the church, determine the confidence that your Creator has given you! Because.
He.
Never.
Gets.
It.
Wrong!
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